My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
