i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize