so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
