My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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