She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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