I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
