did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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