i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
