it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
dude. I can hear the air.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
