What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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