just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
