Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
