if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
