I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
