everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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