the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
