She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
