apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
