nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
