my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
