just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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