made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize