I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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