I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
