I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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