He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
