when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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