The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
