I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the day after is always just damage control
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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