Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
