You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's blow job season.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
