i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
