Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
