I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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