Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
