You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you had me at cake vodka
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
