Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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