Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Come see our sink grown plant.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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