my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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