i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
