i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
