She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
