Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
