I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
