see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
