wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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