you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
