Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you win again, gameday.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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