can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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