I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
