When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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