Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i came on her dog
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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