Dude my mom stole all your condoms
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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