Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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