I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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