so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
