I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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