I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
