When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
