wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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