We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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