she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
