Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
