Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
