Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
