Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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