So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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