I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
