He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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