Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
