I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
