I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
