I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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