Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
In America we eat man semen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
